I, Ava, had surgery about 4 weeks ago, on my cervix. For those who know a little about anatomy, you can guess that to let it heal I was not allowed to orgasm for these 4 weeks. I have learned a few things.
This is one reason I haven’t had much context lately. The other is general writer’s block.
- When I’m ridiculously horny, I want to bottom.
This is always interesting since I’m not mentally submissive at all. I don’t have a sub space, but I do enjoy letting my partner control the pleasure on occasion.
- While I am insatiable, I am typically wanting and ready to go, however I’m rarely horny.
- I enjoy being sexual weather or not I am willing to orgasm.
I wanted to orgasm, so badly, but I wasn’t willing to. I wasn’t willing to screw this up and have to retry the surgery. Orgasm now is not greater than safely having penetrative sex again after 133 says without it.
What I’ve thought about most is the bottoming aspect. I enjoy the feeling of restraints. I don’t feel powerless though, I don’t feel like I’m submitting by letting my husband top me. I feel like I’m letting him either reward himself, or complete a task (pleasuring me).
I feel like I both understand my thoughts and feelings on this, and yet still feel confused. Now that it’s safe to orgasm again, we will see where my mind goes.
13 days (nearly 12) until safe penetration!!! 120 days without full penetrative sex. (Boo)
Here’s my boobs:
